All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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