Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
