he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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