Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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