1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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