Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
