6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it penis luge time yet?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
