Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
