so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
