So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Plan B is the new Plan A
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
