hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
