I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had to coat check the pizza.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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