Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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