I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
