ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
