mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
