We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
