therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
