Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
