I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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