Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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