new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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