I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
