the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
