There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
