I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
