you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
