WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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