Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
