Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
