Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
