mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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