I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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