If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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