I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
