She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
