after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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