i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
