I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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