I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
