those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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