so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Shitshow foam night was such a success
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
