see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
