I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
