member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
