The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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