I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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