I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
