I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
