why didn't you poke me back
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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