the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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